User blog:Matoro58/For BTTF
For BTTF From Matoro58 Characters Darth Vader Mario Luigi Peach Nietzsche Quentin Tarantino Michael Bay Stalin Terminator Deadpool Oprah Cleopatra Story Darth Vader: Hello, I’m Sith Lord and boss of the ERB Marketing Division, Darth Vader. My superiors are the creators of ERB Mr. Peter Shukoff and Mr. Lloyd Ahlquist. My inferiors are a group of minimum wage office workers who to them, have nothing better to do than work and play pranks on each other all day. Luigi: Mario placed my hard drive through the paper shredder and deleted at least three important files, and I cut my fingers while trying to get what was left of it. Darth Vader: (Uses the force on Luigi) You will get those hands bandaged and restore those files immediately and will not leave until you finish. Luigi: I will get my hands bandaged and restore those files immediately and not leave until I’m finished. (Walks away) Darth Vader: See what I mean? When you pace a group of these jackoffs in a room together, the end result is horrible, if not disastrous. Stalin: Who are you calling jackoff, Ani? Darth Vader: (Uses the force to push a printer at Stalin) Fix that printer now, or you’ll lose your end of the year bonus. Stalin is good, but his temper gets him into bad situations sometimes. Scratch that, lots of times. If there’s any reason why I haven’t fired him yet, it’s because he’s efficient and doesn’t waste time with pranks, unlike Mario here. Mario: Hi there! Darth Vader: Mario is Luigi’s brother, and has played numerous pranks on him during their time working here. He’s nice, but he could be using his time more wisely. I truly do find his lack of effort at times disturbing. Mario: (Looks in his drawers) Where are all the files I had in here? Luigi: (Smirks while Mario isn’t looking) Darth Vader: See what I mean? Nietzsche: The day when those two play their ultimate pranks on each other will be the day when we all get fired and go into homelessness. But there is no homelessness, or suffering, or wealthiness, or enjoyment, just death that lurks at the end of our lives. Darth Vader: Nietzsche is one of our best workers, but I worry about him. He’s one of the saddest people I met, and I don’t even pity people that often. Quentin Tarantino: The shirts on here should have blood, and cursing, and Sam Jackson quoting Ezekiel 25:17, and… Darth Vader: Our most creative and disturbing person. What else is there to say about him? MIchael Bay: No, it should have explosions, and racist stereotypes, and Megan Fox in lingerie while fixing a car, and… Darth Vader: And here’s the complete opposite. What else is there to say? Cleopatra: ...and...and then I thought Julius was going to take me to Rome...like...like he promised..,but he d-d-died...and… (Breaks into tears and cries loudly) Oprah: It’s all right darling, just let it out. Darth Vader: I hate having to listen to the personal lives of my inferiors, because I shouldn’t have to care for their problems, and they should remember they have jobs- Cleopatra: HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT, YOU SICK PSYCHO??!! Darth Vader: See? (Walks away from Cleopatra and Oprah) Deadpool: (Puts a crayon back in it’s box, takes another one out, and continues drawing) Darth Vader: Why are you drawing instead of checking how much money we are making overseas… (Uses the force to take the drawing) Oh, I see. It’s a picture of you decapitating me and placing my helmet on a pole while playing hacky-sack with my head. (Uses the force to rip apart the drawing) Deadpool: That was for the time you didn’t buy me tickets for the return flight from Beijing and how I ended up killing- I mean, stealing someone’s tickets. Darth Vader: Life is cruel. Just look at what happened to my wife and children. Deadpool: Yeah yeah… Peach: (Walks towards Vader) Vader, Zach Sherwin called saying that he wants at least 100 different versions of his Disney sweatshirts to be shipped to him by Thursday. Which shipping company do I call and where do they pick up the shirts? Darth Vader: Google Express, and the factory in upstate New York. Peach: Alright, gonna go make a few calls. (Walks away) Darth Vader: One of the two workers here who are actually loyal, and don’t really waste time on their work Terminator: Sir, I uploaded the files to your computer and told the factory inspectors to chill out. Darth Vader: Excellent. Now go tell Luigi he can leave early since he doesn’t have to restore the files anymore Terminator: Yes sir. (Walks away) Darth Vader: Yes, he’s a robot, but they’re usually more reliable than humans, in a way. He’s won employee of the month of sixteen months straight, highly appreciate his work. Well, that’s all the time I have now, but thanks for taking a look around our office, and hopefully I’ll see- OW, WHO THE FUCK DID THAT? Deadpool: (Has just hit Vader on the head with a computer monitor) Vader takes the fall, only to rise up again. Will he use his lightsaber, or will he force coke? Terminator: (Loads gun) Hasta La Vista, baby. (Shoots at Deadpool) Stalin: EVERY DICTATOR FOR THEMSELVES! Category:Blog posts